4 Tips to Fight Off Envy
When I think of all the toxic emotions that I battle, it is easy to put envy at the bottom of the list. Not because I don’t struggle with it. It’s just that when we’re envious it feels immature, embarrassing. It seems weak.
It is easy to admit that we get angry easily. Envy is not as deep, not as ugly. It seems more like a bruise, a slight wound. But that is why it is so dangerous. Envy is the open door to so many destructive things in our lives.
Envy is when you're out camping with the family and the guy at the site next to you pulls up in a $100k camper with all the bells and whistles. There you are sweating in the summer heat, and you hear his air conditioner running.
All.
Night.
Long.
Thinking terrible thoughts about this guy.
That’s envy. It just made him your rival.
Envy is dangerous to the soul because it doesn’t leave quickly. We fixate on it. Envy will make the good people become our emotional enemy.
We’re all envious over different things: car, house, physique, marriage, children, grandchildren, business, boat, salary, education, temperament, athletic ability, character quality, and even intelligence, just to name a few.
Envy is universal, but here’s the deal, if it goes unchecked, it can ruin your life.
Scripture makes it clear that although man cares mostly for the outward appearance, God is concerned with the heart.
“The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
This means that envy is not a “secret sin.” God can see your envy, and it is important to him. Because he knows that what is in your heart, will not stay in your heart.
Envy often leads to action—like every other sin of the heart. Envy is not safe, it doesn’t stay put, and it comes with some unpleasant friends.
So how can you overcome envy?
Let me give you 4 ways to win the battle with envy in your life.
1. Thank God for the success of the person you envy.
The envious heart even turns friends into enemies. Whether or not it’s accurate, your heart can begin to believe that a friend is an enemy to your happiness—just because he or she has something you would like to have.
To combat that, you can pray for that person, whom you’re thinking of as an enemy. When you pray, thank God for them and for the gifts God gave them. Thank Him for granting their success.
2. Ask God to further the success of the person you envy.
That’s right. Pray specifically for their continued success, specifically those gifts that you envy the most. Ask for things for your friends the way you would ask for things for yourself.
This means that if you have a coworker that just killed it on the last sales report and got a promotion or bonus, then your order of business is to pray that they would keep doing well at sales. If your friend just had a child and you would do anything to have a child, pray for blessings in their family. If your neighbor just bought the car you always wanted or just bought a vacation home, pray that they would continue to have financial success.
3. Enjoy the gifts God gave to the person you envy.
Many of the things we envy in others aren’t possessions but personal traits such as intelligence, beauty, talent, and interpersonal skill. The wonderful thing about these divine gifts is that they can be possessed by one person and enjoyed by others—simultaneously.
This means that when you’re spending time with your friend, their charm and humor is something you can enjoy. When you’re listening to your coworker give a talk at a professional convention, you have a chance both to learn something and thank God for making them so good at what they do.
4. Praise the person you envy.
Praising something is both a natural result of enjoying it and also part of the process of enjoying it. So for you to silently, stoically sit and soak in the gifts of a friend or acquaintance without expressing admiration diminishes the enjoyment.
Now, dealing with envy can be tough work. It is heart work.
Fortunately, it’s not for us to make our hearts new. Only the Spirit can renew our hearts and transform our minds—which is exactly what he’s promised to do. All we have to do is take a conscious role in the process.
In the end, God will remove all traces of envy from his world. And as he does, a million Instagram accounts won’t be enough to capture it all.
If we take steps to follow what God asks us to do, we will play our role in ridding the world of envy. Others will see in us a glimpse of our Savior, and deep down, you’ll know, you pleased God. And he’ll rejoice with your obedience.
For more resources on dealing with envy, I would recommend:
