Mistress In Common

Pastor Joseph preached a fantastic sermon on Sunday about an ex-lover of mine. Anger and I go way back. I have found solace and comfort in his arms more times than I care to admit. I have allowed him to shape my thoughts about myself and many others in the past. I have willingly accepted the collar he has placed around my neck and happily trotted along behind him as he led me around on his leash. Yes, anger and I have had quite the bond in my lifetime. In fact, I listened to the four types of people that Joseph described when it comes to conflict, and I simply could not figure out which one I am. I have been all of them in the past and still am from time to time if I am being honest. That is how familiar I am with anger…I have and will manifest him in every form he comes in.

Anger is a very seductive foe. He is cunning and conniving and incredibly manipulative. Anger has convinced me of so many untruths about myself and others. He feeds on pride and arrogance. He is strong and powerful. Anger has the ability to control my thoughts, my eyes, and my tongue. His voice can drown out all others, including God’s, in my mind when I allow it. Anger has definitely been the hardest mountain for me to move in my faith journey. I haven’t conquered it, but I have moved it.

We all dance with anger at some point in our lives. We are made in the image of God, and scripture tells us that God was angry sometimes. We were created to reflect Jesus, and scripture tells us that Jesus got angry at least once (Mark 3:5). Feeling angry does not mean you have failed. Failure comes when you walk away from God and into the arms of anger. Failure comes when you evict the Holy Spirit and allow anger to become the new resident. Failure comes when you hand over control of your mind and your tongue to anger. Galatians chapter 5 warns us of the works of the flesh. You will notice that anger itself is not mentioned but outbursts of anger. We fail when we allow anger to call the shots. 

I know I am not the only mistress of anger. So what are we to do? Anger is a formidable opponent. He is a giant not easily slayed. Part of me wonders if anger can ever really be destroyed. I know I have never been able to do so. He has always been like one of those Weebles I used to play with as a kid…he wobbles, but he won’t fall down! 

Now, I could rattle off a bunch of scripture to you right now about how you should keep from sinning when you are angry, but honestly, if someone did that to me, it would make me want to smack them. Funny how having someone offer up scripture as a solution to my anger problem would just make me super angry right? I am not going to do that. Don’t get me wrong the Bible has helped me tremendously as I have worked through my co-dependent, adulturess relationship with anger. It just wasn’t my starting point. 

I began by figuring out which bait was attracting me the most. How was anger getting me to bite so easily and so often? Once I began to identify the baits that were luring me in, then I went to scripture to learn what God had to say about those things and how I could overcome them. I worked on destroying the appeal of the bait first and foremost. I am not saying that this is the best place to start or that this is the right place for you to start. I am just telling you where I started. 

Over time, it became clear that I was one of anger’s favorite mistresses, and he was not willing to let me go without a serious fight. I had allowed him to put down some incredibly deep roots in me. For a while, I was convinced that anger was just a part of me. I began to believe that it was just who I was and part of how God made me. Is that the truth? I don’t know. Perhaps, it is. Maybe, it’s not. Your guess is as good as mine. One day, I made a decision. I decided that I was done trying to slay this giant. Instead, I was going to use it. It was time for me to manipulate this beast of manipulation.

Philippians 4:6 tells us to turn our worries into prayers. Well, that is exactly what I did with my anger. I began to channel all of my anger into my prayer life. I took that collar off my neck and placed it right on the neck of my old pal anger. I flipped the script on him. When he would begin to rise up over me, I would jerk the leash and lead him for a change. 

Most people that know me know that I am very passionate about prayer, and many people have heard me pray at some point. I have not been comfortable praying out loud in front of people for that long. For many years, I absolutely refused to pray out loud in front of people. I was very insecure about it and was afraid that I would not do it right. I pray out loud in front of people all the time now, but I still get insecure about it sometimes…especially when I know it is going to be an angry prayer. Those are intense. I begin to shake when I am praying angry prayers. I joke to myself that it is anger inside of me fighting for control. Who knows, maybe it is. 

Again, I have not conquered the mountain that is anger in my life, but I have moved it. I moved it out of the drivers seat in my life and into the trunk. I began to call the shots in our relationship. When I feel my control in the relationship begin to slip, I hit my knees and pour every bit of him out at Jesus’ feet. I refuse to be used by anger any longer. I decided to use him instead for a change. It feels good. It satisfies the passive-aggressive nature within me. It gives me the feeling that I won, and that is very satisfying. 

Don’t walk away from this thinking that I have everything under control. That is far from the truth. The Incredible Hulk breaks free from time to time, but I see him way less than I used to. I am incredibly passive-aggressive, and God still has to smack that out of me every now and then. In fact, I have been in a pretty dark place for some time now, and one day last weekend I realized that I had slipped back into anger’s bed once again. I have no idea when it happened or how it happened or why it happened, but here I am again. The difference is that I am not afraid anymore when I find myself in anger’s arms once again. I don’t beat myself up and start believing the lie that this is just who I am and there’s nothing I can do about it. I have already done something about it. I just identify the bait, go back to God for whatever reminders I apparently need, and slip that collar right off of my neck and back onto his. Then I take that little pooch for a walk right into my Daddy’s throneroom so we can have a little chat. 

If you are one of my sister wives when it comes to anger, I want you to know two things. One, you are not alone. You are not the only one that has been captivated and entranced by the beauty of anger. You are not the only one who has found comfort in his arms. Don’t believe that lie that no one else has been weak enough to fall for him. And two, it is possible for you to be the user in the relationship instead of the one being used. It is possible for you to flip the script. I abuse anger every time I drag him to the feet of my Father, and I don’t feel bad about it. I spent years being abused by him. It’s high time that he feel the pain of abuse instead. I can’t recommend it enough. It truly is one of the most satisying feelings in the world.