Fraud
Quite possibly the biggest way I have failed as a Christian is by creating my own Jesus. I know I am not alone in this. I have created multiple Jesus’ during my time as a believer. Creating my own Jesus is a lot easier than trying to come to terms with the real One. It is a lot easier than putting forth the effort to try and make the Bible make sense sometimes. For me, the Bible is not always clear cut and easy to understand. There are parts of the Bible that are hard for me to accept. If I am being completely honest and transparent, there are parts of the Bible that are hard for me to agree with…yep, I just said that out loud.
I just finished a book called, “My Imaginary Jesus”, and I highly recommend it. It is a short, easy read, and it really made me think. The book is written as a novel, and it talks about the many Jesus’ we tend to create in our lives. I recognized many of them as I read the book. A few of them have been my Jesus at some point in my faith journey. I realized as I read this book that each time I adopted one of these imaginary Jesus’ in my life, I failed the real One.
Why do I do that? Why do I take on an imaginary Jesus at the expense of getting to know the real One better? Because it is easier I suppose.
Getting to know the real Jesus would mean taking a long hard look at myself. It would force me to face and deal with some ugly truths about me. It would require me to leave my comfort zone and wade into the unknown and uncomfortable waters of plank removal. I am much more comfortable as a speck finder (Matthew 7:3-5). This sounds like work. There are things about me that I don’t want to change, despite knowing deep down that they really need to change. Creating my own Jesus allows me to keep being the me that I am now. My imaginary Jesus supports my self-righteous thoughts and behaviors. Why would I want to move away from that?
Getting to know the real Jesus would also mean intentionally stepping into the ring to wrestle with the aspects of Him that are hard to wrap my brain around. It would mean facing down and engaging with all of my “why” questions. What if I don’t like the answers I get? What if I disagree? Does that mean I am not really a Christian? Worst of all, what will people think when they find out that I still have questions? I am on staff at a church for goodness sake! I am supposed to have this figured out aren’t I? How can I be in a church leadership role if I haven’t got it all figured out yet? I must be a fraud. Sound familiar?
Perhaps the scariest thing about getting to know the real Jesus is this…what if He is right? What if everything He said is actually true? What if I really am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17)? What if I really am forgiven (1 John 2:12)? What if I really am victorious (1 Corinthians 15:57)? What if I really can have joy and peace (John 15:11, John 14:27)? What if I really don’t have to be afraid (2 Timothy 1:7)? What if I really am loved with an all-powerful and everlasting love (Romans 8:38-39)? What if I really am worthy (John 3:16)? What if I really am a child of God (John 1:12)? What if I really am His friend (John 15:15)? What if I really have been justified and redeemed (Romans 3:24)? What if I really have been set free (Galatians 5:1)? These are all things that are easy for me to believe and accept for other people, but can I accept them for me? Would I even recognize myself if I did?
As scared as a lot of us are about failing, failing is the easy part. The hard part is ensuring that our failures are fail-forwards. I know I have failed by creating so many Jesus’ in the past, but I also know that I can turn these failures into fail-forwards. I can start by chasing down all the imaginary Jesus’ in my life and examining them. Why did I feel the need to create them? What is the root issue that I was trying to avoid? Was it a problem with myself or the real Jesus? Then I can take whatever that root issue was straight to scripture and scrub it and pick it apart until I am left with nothing but Gospel truth. I know it won’t necessarily be easy, but I am convinced that it will be worth it. I truly believe the real Jesus, though not necessarily the easy choice, will ultimately be the best choice for me.