It's Easy To Overlook

If I am being honest, I think almost all fears can be boiled down into one…fear of the unknown. Take me for example, I am terrified of spiders, but when it comes down to it, my fear doesn’t stem from the spider itself. My fear actually stems from the unknown. What if it bites me? I don’t know what is going to happen to me if I get bitten by those little buggers. Will I have to go to the hospital? Will the venom kill the skin cells where the bite occurred? Is it even poisonous? 

The unknown kills us. It floods our brains with an overabundance of “what if” questions until we absolutely cannot think straight anymore. Maybe it’s just me, but the unknown is the scariest thing I have ever encountered. Unfortunately, it seems to be hiding around every corner. The “what if” that gets me the most is “what if I make the wrong decision?” Maybe, this is just where I am in life right now, but this one has the potential to keep me up at night. 

I posted on social media last Friday about pushing myself a little harder than normal that morning. Last Friday was my daughter’s field day at her school. This was her last field day for elementary school since she will be moving into middle school next year. To be completely honest, I have never liked going to field day events at the kids’ schools. It is hot, and I just don’t enjoy it. I know that sounds terrible, but it is the truth. Anyway, this was the first year that she told me she didn’t want me to come. Don’t get me wrong, I was kind of relieved, but it was quite a wake-up call for me. Her telling me that she didn’t want me to come made me realize that I had no idea at the time that the last field day I went to for her was the last one I would ever go to. If I had, maybe I would have appreciated that time a little more. Maybe, I would have allowed myself to be fully present instead of thinking about how hot it was and how I couldn’t wait for it to be over. I honestly can’t even remember it. How sad is that? I was too busy focusing on how miserable I was to even formulate memories to look back on. It’s pretty pathetic.

Here is the thing, none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Proverbs 27:1 tells us not to boast about tomorrow because we have no idea what it may bring our way. James echoes this in chapter 4 of his letter. I should be living as if tomorrow may be different. I can never know what the rest of my day will bring, much less what tomorrow may bring. No matter how much I want to and try to convince myself that I am in control, the truth is I am not, and I am never going to be. Each day is one big unknown after another, regardless of how much I have planned for it. 

So what am I to do? How am I supposed to overcome all these fears of the unknown that have a horrible tendency to wreak havoc over my life? I think James provides a little guidance here at the end of chapter 4. 

First, I have to give up this idea that I am somehow in control (James 4:15). I have to acknowledge that God is in control, and I will only be doing things if He allows it. He has to wake me up each morning. He is the One that gives me the gift of a new day. He is the One that has given me the ability to function on a basic human level, and He can take any of those things away in the blink of an eye. God has a plan for me and my life. The most I can do as far as control is concerned is choose to walk in obedience to His word and His promptings each day. I can choose to acknowledge that He is the One in control of it all. I can choose to look to Him and focus on Him rather than focus on the world or myself. That is the extent of my control…and that’s okay.

Second, I can stop allowing my arrogance to dictate my decisions (James 4:16). I have been given the gift of motherhood, and more often than not, I do not recognize that and live as if it is a gift. I used to go to my kids’ field day events because I knew they wanted me to. I don’t know that I was ever truly present for them though. I never considered that it might be the last time I would have the opportunity to go. I never appreciated it for what it was. I was arrogant in thinking that I would have another one to go to the following year. I spent more time looking ahead and not near enough time being present in the moment and appreciating those times for the gifts that they were. 

I have also been given the gift of movement. My body works the way that it should for the most part. I do not have any debilitating illnesses. Sure, genetics require me to keep an extra close watch on my heart, but so far, it is all good. The problem is, oftentimes, I live as if that gift of health and movement can never be taken away from me instead of recognizing and appreciating it each day. Everyone that knows me knows how much I love to go to the greenway to walk or run. The reality is that there is no way for me to know when my next run on the greenway will be my last. This is why I pushed myself so hard last Friday. I realized that I had been arrogantly living as if I could just make up for my lack of effort today tomorrow, and that may not always be true. I had stopped appreciating the gifts in my life. I had begun to overlook certain gifts like motherhood and the ability to move. I had gotten arrogant in those areas. It had become about me, what I wanted, and my comfort. 

It’s funny how I can be so terrified of the unknown sometimes and completely oblivious to it at other times. 

As I listened to Pastor Clay’s message this morning, God led me to this conclusion. The best way for me to battle this fear of the unknown is to let the unknown guide me to be present in each moment. Just like I can’t change the past, I also can’t control the future. I can, however, be present in each moment. I can take each moment in, knowing that it could very well be my last chance to experience it. I can practice gratitude each day. I can be grateful for the gift of today. I can be grateful for each moment that God allows me to experience, and I can be present for it. I can stop allowing arrogance to take over and convince me that I don’t need to focus on the present moment because there will always be another chance to experience it. That is a lie from the devil himself. Continuing to show up and be present is the only way to guarantee that one day I will be able to look back with no regrets knowing that I never took God’s gifts for granted, but made the most of them instead. I don’t think I am the only one that would want that.