Why Are You Here?
To understand how to be the right person for someone else in a relationship, we must understand what kind of person God created us to be in the first place. To do that, we must go all the way back to the beginning. In the beginning, God created everything from the heavens above to the earth below. Everything He created was created on purpose for a purpose, including you and me. So, what were we created for as men and women exactly?
When we look back at Genesis chapter 2, we see that God created man and placed him in the Garden of Eden to “tend it and watch over it” (verse 15 NLT). Other translations say to “work it and take care of it” (NIV), and “dress it and keep it” (KJV). My favorite translation for verse 15 however is the Amplified version which says, “cultivate and keep it”. I love the wording in this translation so much! Man was created to cultivate and keep things that are precious to God.
Most often we think of this verse as pertaining to a garden. God put the man in the garden to tend to it: to work the soil and plant seed and cultivate that seed as it grows into everything that it was created to become. But what if we looked at that verse as pertaining to relationships and more specifically, marriage? What if God created man to cultivate more than just the land in a garden? Many commentators use this verse to talk about how God never intended for us to be idle, that God created man to work. Those things are true, but as I read this passage now and think about it in the context of relationships and marriage, I see something more.
Men, what if you swapped the land in the garden in this verse for your wife? What if you saw your wife as a beautiful garden that God placed you in to cultivate and keep? How would your relationship change? God created man to cultivate, dress, tend, watch over, take care of, and keep. I love Ellicott’s Commentary for English Readers about this verse:
To dress it and to keep it.—The first word literally means to work it; for though a paradise, yet the garden had to be tilled and planted. Seeds must be sown and the cultivated plots kept in order; but all this really added to Adam’s happiness, because the adâmâh (ground), as yet uncursed, responded willingly to the husbandman’s care. The other word, “to keep it,” implies, however, some difficulty and danger. Though no unpropitious weather, nor blight nor mildew, spoiled the crop, yet apparently it had to be guarded against the incursion of wild animals and birds, and protected even against the violence of winds and the burning heat of the sun.
Is that not a beautiful picture of what it means to be a husband? Men, your wives are amazingly beautiful children of God, but they still need to be cultivated. Seeds of love and faith and trust need to be planted within them. Then those seeds need to be fed and watered, so they can grow into everything that God has planned for them within your wives.
Planting and cultivating the seeds is not the end of it though. We have a very real enemy prowling around looking for things to devour. Once those seeds are planted, they will have to be protected. Trust me, the minute you begin to plant those seeds, the birds will come and try to eat them. The heavy winds will come and try to blow them away. The heat will come and try to scorch them. Those seeds that you plant must always be guarded. Men, I believe that God created you to help Him cultivate your wife for His purpose and to keep her from the enemy that will stop at nothing to take her out of the game.
Now before my inbox starts to fill up with people criticizing me for being anti-woman, let me turn my attention to us ladies…
The purpose of women is laid out in verse 18 of Genesis 2. Coincidentally, this is also the first time that God looks at something that He created and says it is “not good” on its own. God decides that man needs a “helper as his partner” (NRSV), “helper who is just right for him” (NLT), “help meet for him” (KJV and ASV). Once again, the Amplified translation is my favorite for this verse…”helper [one who balances him out – a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him”. This one is my favorite because I believe that it comes the closest to getting the wording right.
The Hebrew word used here for this word “helper” that makes so many women cringe, is ezer kenegdo and is anything but dainty and weak. While it is a difficult word to translate into English, it has the potential to change a woman’s identity forever. Ladies, pay close attention to this…
The word ezer (pronounced ay’-zer) is used in the Old Testament 21 times, twice to describe women, three times referring to military support, and 16 times for God Himself. Ezer originally had two meanings depending on the pronunciation: to rescue/to save and to be strong. Scripture is not telling us that God created us for the purpose of being a servant to our husband. The word ezer was used on purpose here ladies. God just described you as a strong warrior created to rescue and bring life to your husband. In fact, eight different times that the word ezer is used in scripture, it means savior. How does that change your attitude towards this verse?
Kenegdo is the word that accompanies ezer in this verse, and it indicates that the woman is the man’s match. It literally means, as in front of him, opposite as to him, or corresponding as to him. There is nothing dainty or weak about this description of the purpose for which God created women. Ladies, we were created to be warriors and strong fortresses for our husbands. We were created for the purpose of bringing life, strength, and support to our husbands. That is what kind of helper we were created to be…the kind of helper that the battle cannot be won without. What if you woke up every morning looking for ways to support or bring life to your husband ladies? How would your relationship change?
I believe scripture is clear in Genesis about what kind of person God created us to be as men and women. Men, you were created to cultivate and protect. Women, you were created to bring strength and support. And both were made to complement and correspond with one another beautifully.
As a society, we have become preoccupied with finding the right person for ourselves, but what if we poured all that time and energy into finding within ourselves the person that God created us to be from the beginning? How would our relationships change? How would our marriages change? Most importantly, how would our world change?
RESOURCES
“Captivating” by John and Stasi Eldredge