Keep Moving Forward

Calling. Such a churchy word. 

If you have hung around church for any amount of time, you have probably heard at least one person talking about how they feel “called” to this thing or that thing, or that God is “calling” them to do this or that. I’m not going to lie, hearing those words made me roll my eyes for many years. 

I didn’t grow up in church. I didn’t begin attending church regularly until I was in college, and for many years I did not understand this concept of “calling." Anytime I heard someone talk about having a calling or being called by God, I was reminded that I didn’t. Once again, I was not enough. That is how I felt anyway. Maybe you can relate.

As time went on and I continued to dig into God’s word and spend time getting to know Him, this idea of calling became a little more clear. Looking back, I can identify multiple instances where I knew that God was calling me to someone or something. Honestly, I believe that each time was an obedience test. I would love to say that I obeyed every single time, but anyone that knows me knows that I am way too stubborn and hardheaded for that to be true. I can think of two different times in the not so distant past where I knew God was calling me to do something, and I reluctantly obeyed. The results of my obedience in these two circumstances could not be more different.

The first one happened in the summer of 2017. We had new leadership at one of my jobs, and many of us were very unhappy. I had been told in my review that my boss did not think that I was very good at my job and didn’t know what to do with me. She would come to me later and offer me a demotion with a paycut to go with it. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Financially, I didn’t think that this was going to work for us but wasn’t sure what I could do about it. I loved my other job and wanted to be able to keep it but didn’t know how I was going to find a replacement for my morning job that would allow me to keep my afternoon job. I began to pray earnestly, asking God to give me some wisdom and direction. 

One day, I received a phone call from Pastor Clay asking if I would be interested in taking a job as the Director of the preschool here at Next Level. My initial thought was, “I don’t know who lied to you about me, but I am neither qualified nor capable of running a preschool.” It was true. I had never worked in an administrative role in a preschool or any school for that matter. I had assisted and taught a few preschool classes, I had shopped for the preschool, and I had handled the communications for the preschool, but I had never run the place. That was way out of my sphere of abilities. Pastor Clay had to have mistaken me for someone else. Then God stepped in. 

I still remember exactly where I was when God spoke to me about this job at Next Level Preschool. My in-laws had taken us down to Daytona for a family vacation, and I was out on the pool deck praying and watching the sun rise for the day. It was June 12, and I know this because I actually posted a picture of the ocean that morning on Instagram with the words that God spoke to me when He called me to this place. He said, “It’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be so beautiful once you get there.” “It’s not going to be easy” was the understatement of the year.

One of the biggest lies sold about Christianity is the lie that once you become a Christian, your life becomes easy, and everything is sunshine and rainbows. This lie has led many people to abandon their faith and walk away when their life did not change the way that they thought it should after accepting God’s invitation. The thing is, God never promised us a life of ease once we become believers. In fact, Jesus speaks plainly and clearly in John 16 about this. He spells it out for us. “In this world you will have trouble…” (John 16:33 NIV emphasis mine). He was speaking to believers here, and He is speaking the same words to us today. This line could also read, “In your obedience, you may have trouble…” and it would also be true. 

Stepping out in obedience is not always sunshine and rainbows either. These past four and a half years have not been easy to say the least. I didn’t feel like I could exhale from the time I took this job until December of 2020. There were times when I questioned whether or not I heard God correctly. I have cried countless tears over the past four and a half years. I have let doubt consume me. I have had to do incredibly hard things the past four and a half years…some of which I hope I never have to do again, ever! It has been a long, hard road to get to where we are now at Next Level Preschool. I have learned a lot. I have had to overcome a lot of obstacles. I have made mistakes, but I have also made good decisions. I have been hurt, but I have also been loved. Most of all, I have grown tremendously over the past four and a half years. 

Looking back now, I can see that God knew what He was doing when He called me here…imagine that. I was a girl with no experience or training in administration and God used me anyway. God didn’t care whether or not I was the best choice. I was His choice. All He needed from me was my “yes”, and once He had that, He went to work through me. I still have no idea why in the world He chose me for this, but I am forever grateful. My relationship with Him has been strengthened. My faith has been strengthened. Stepping out in obedience has become a little less scary. Don’t get me wrong, I will still argue with Him about it from time to time. That is exactly what I did the last time he called me into something here at the church.

This incident occurred about four months ago. I was walking around the sanctuary praying one morning before work, and God said that He wanted me to work with the fourth and fifth graders on Sunday mornings. I literally laughed out loud and promptly told Him no. I explained to Him (as if He didn’t already know this) that I had worked with that age group for 22 years, and I was done with that age group. I had done my time with them. He pushed harder, and we wrestled over it for a while that morning. I finally went full on toddler with Him and said, “Fine! But I am not putting forth any effort to do this. If You want me to do it, then You have to pave the way” (I honestly don’t know why He puts up with me sometimes. I can be such a brat!). That was good enough for Him apparently because instantly I saw the whole thing in my mind. It was like He had downloaded everything into my brain at that moment. I knew what the schedule would be, what parts of the curriculum I would use, how it would be structured…all of it. I did not say anything about any of this to anyone.

The next morning I went to the greenway, and while I was walking, I realized that I felt strange. I was feeling a very weird feeling that I was not used to. I knew I had felt it before, but it had been a long time. It finally dawned on me that this feeling that I was experiencing was excitement. What in the world? Why in the world would I be feeling excited? I could not think of a thing that I should be excited about at that moment. Then God stepped in again. He reminded me of what He had called me to do the day before. He won, but I wasn’t going to give in that easily (seriously…I don’t think you realize just how hard headed I really am). I still refused to say anything to anyone just yet. 

Fast forward, and here I am hanging out with my fourth and fifth grade kiddos every Sunday morning and loving every second of it! They absolutely amaze me! I have learned so much from my time with them. I look forward to being with them each and every Sunday. I began in October, and I remember feeling sad and missing them the first week that I was out of town on a Sunday. Everything has been smooth and simple since I accepted and stepped into what God has called me to do with these kids. Everything has fallen into place. He really has paved the way for me so far. I love working with them. I love being there with them every week. They challenge me with their questions, but fill me with hope with their thirst for God and His word. It has been an incredible experience.

Being obedient to God’s call is not always easy. You are not always going to want to do it. Sometimes it is going to be incredibly hard. Sometimes it is going to be extremely painful. Sometimes it will be incredibly easy. Sometimes it will be painless and effortless. You never know what it will look like, feel like, or how easy or hard it is going to be. We don’t get to see the road before we step onto it. We have no idea if it is going to be straight and smooth or twisty and rocky. We just have to trust and keep moving forward with God. 

Maybe you are in the place that I was in for so long, feeling like you have no calling and wondering what is wrong with you. Can I answer that for you? Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you if you haven’t experienced God calling you into something. Keep trusting. Keep leaning in. Keep moving towards Him. Keep spending time with Him. Keep digging into His word and getting to know Him. He has a plan for you, and in His time, which is always the right time, He will call you into something bigger than you could ever ask or imagine. I have Habakkuk 1:5 written on a post-it on my desk, and I will leave you with it as well. I pray that these words will be a reminder when you need one and a comfort to your soul, just as they are to me. 

“...For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn’t believe even if someone told you about it.” -Habakkuk 1:5 (NLT)